| god shuffles his feet |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|05:11 pm] |
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
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| for dravengodvamp my love |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|02:04 pm] |
he laid his head in my lap like a loving child would to his mother after not seeing her for a week or even a year. like a lost love found again...I rubed his head enduringly just thinking about how beautiful he was..THen I thought of all the beautiful things in the world and how he compared to them...like the ocean (forever, WOnderous, ENchanting, Calming,Beautiful in all its glory) this is what I think of when I see this man...This wonderful man who gives me so much joy... THose deep full eyes make my heart beat faster...I love him and I love it.....and it scares me ...but thats ok we tend to fear the unknown..well I love an adventure...so I will walk this road with my hand in his because I am not alone anymore.....
The Mushy Bob~
first lj I ever wrote about you |
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| tired |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "notings gonna cahnge my world" fiona apple | ] |
man so much has happend this last week hell this last two years that have hurt..but one thing happend that didnt.. i found my true love again. lets hope he stays.
I dont really want totalk about what happend the people who need to know already do but i just had to get this one thing out
my head is spinning its like in full motion and I feel the crazy inside i have to get a hold of it I am so afraid that one day I will dissapear compleetly and be one of those people who thinks there jesus. someone shoot me if that ever happens. living in my head is so misreble msot of the time. everything is so hard from getting out of bed to keeping on a schedual simular to a hospitols. I hate this feeling. its the feeling tha tyour not gonna make it your lost in a way traveling down the hallway of doors trying each one just so you can get out.i would be silly to think I could ever be normal so i have tlive with this. but sometimes it gets old and tired and when new things pop up it gets harder. but maybe since new things became unraveled it means i am getting better bringing everything to the serface....i dont envy those of youwho have to know me. I would say sorry for being this way but I didnt do it. but I can say thank you for all those who put up with me or humor me. i wish all of you could see the kat that is inside. shes pretty cool. anyways will someone please show me wich way the door out is shit I am lost! |
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| sigh |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|05:08 pm] |
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i feel like the world hates me right now... |
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| blah |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|01:58 pm] |
man I look good today and have no place to go but I been feeling so blah lately I had to try to look decent....i hate the blah days.....i cant wait to do more with zombiedip she is an awsome photographer and an awsome friend...and has a great behind and is fun to do shoots with she makes it easy to just fuck around and hopfully get in a few good shots...I see a good future with her...I hope she sees some kind of potential with me. I want this more then anything I have wanted in a long time..to be a model.... i have been a geek my wholelife and the thought of being a model is so exciting and makes me feel like a "superstar!" hands up......anyways thats all for now...looks like doug has to put down the machiens till feb. wich I know he hates and I feel so bad for ihhm but looks like he will be getting a job that will give us an ongoing income.....the baby is cute as ever and kinda sick I think. shes sleeping a bit to much. but thats good when they grow...anyways I am outie...talk to yall soon.
Kat~ |
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| fucking hormones |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|02:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
man I been so depressed lately...mostly because I cant get married when IWanted to...I know that marriage is suposed to be forever so waiting one more year isnt such a bad thing..it was jsut tha tI was soooo much lokoing forward to it and rushed to get back home just to do it. and at first it didnt even seem to bug doug at all so that was even more upsetting...but if men only knew how simple it was to make women feel a little bit better...if he would have jsut coem to me and gave me a big hug and told me how much he stiull wanted to be with me forever then the depression would have just been a saddness and a dissapointment...now I am depressed...at least I do know that half of that is hormones from getting ready to rag.
Frank and dianna have been so wonderful. the other day they gavew us a bunch of pots and pans and stirring and servings spoons and mesuring cups man you have no idea how loved I felt when frank brought over the box...its the little things that make life worth it. to know that there are people out there that want to help. I am not used to that..mostpeople help and expect something in return and expect eturnal grattitude and then throw it back in your face later...so I am not used to people treating me the way I treat other people...its been a long time. most of my friends just help themselves to my generositoy...I wish it was those friensds that were helping and not hte ones that I havnt helped out to much... but someday they will need us and we will be there for them.
today so far is good the bank fixed the 2 cents over draw I made wich was ridiculious they charged me like 50$ for over drawing 2 cents! can you believe that shit! anyways...
I hope this depression goes away soon. I hope I can get on medicade so I can see a damn doctor so I dont have to check my ass in...I know I can get raven on it so that will be good I think she is getting sick and I am pretty sure she has an ear infection wich if I let it go to long could turn into a nasty thing that I really dont want to watch her go through.
anyways...I guess I am out for now. I really hope this deprssion goes away soon it sucks to want to die all the time.
I watch other people die on tv or movies and just wish I Was as lucky as them...I knwo that may sound weird or sick to most people but if you only knew some of the torment that I deal with on the inside...maybe youd understand. so many people are afraid of death... I wish for it most of the time...and I cna jsutify it by thinking that my loved ones would jsut be better off without me not having to deal with a mentally ill burdden....and thats not a whine or a poor me its the truth... I dont knwo if I would want to deal with it...I dont like living my life with a bunch of people just houmering me. makes me look a fool.... maybe I am.
later
signed The damned~
kat~ |
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| whats next..... |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | very loud game that frank is playing | ] |
well....its been wha tlike 2 weeks I think sinc eI been home...things have been hard to say the least and you just have to remember what you have and not what you dont...wich is hard since you run around the house thinking to yourself ok I want ot make dinner and realize that youhave no pots or pans or big stirring spoons....or cookie sheets or toilet paper or cat food yada yada...wich makes things a bit harder...you hate to run back and forth barrowing other peoples things (by the way thanks frank for putting up with it)...but its been hard I know dravengodvamp is down because the job he hoped to get he didnt....and the other jobs he hoped he would get he didnt...but if he can rememebr to just hang in there something will come along....things are ment to be....on another note I am trying to figur eout weather I should put off our wedding just so that I can get the right ceramoney that I have in my head...its been hard to find certin people and hard to get ahold of others and hard to find a way to get others down here..it sucks because one of the biggest reasons we came here at this time was jsut so we could be where we wanted to be on our wedding night..it actually makes me sad and emotionally I want to jsut say fuck it do what we want and do the tiny little ceramoney ..but logically it makes more sence to hold off for another year and do what we really want..I dont knwo maybe someone has some sugestions....
on another note I am looking farward to zombiedip and her camera I know she could make me look beautiful and that is something I really need right now something to uplift my spirits...were not sure what were going to do exactly yet...but what ever we come up with will be great.
anyways...I hope something comes along soon we desperatly need pots and pans I was thinking about hitting up all my friends and seeing if anyone had anything to spare... hell we dont even have bowls! HA but we will soon I hope I hope....
on a good note we finally have a little bit of food so we can stop eating the same damn soup thats we have been eating.
so peoples give me your openion should we hold off another year or should we jsut go on with the ceramonie with the few close friends in town.... eiother way it would be great.. and if we do something small now and then next year have the wedding I really want maybe that would work...I know it would probably be the best of both worlds....
I know there was more I had to say but I totally forgot it all lol so untill next time...
Kat~ |
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| overwhelmed |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|01:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | whatcha waiting for "gwen stefani | ] |
man tonight I have ha dlike 3 panic attacks in only a few hours...so much to take care of so little time and if everything doesnt go to plan then i might be fucked like with my cat and with my meds.....ran out of packing shit so I am not sure what ot pack my shoes in I am tinking about just mai,ing them, but I am not sure how much tha twill cost...but as you can see I can hardly even type..lol not to much worse then normal but my go tI am even shaking ok well as soon as I know everything isok I wlll settle down alot. i just cant wait to step into my new place and jsut run around naked......man our neighbors are going to hate us lol....
I got a kick ass tattoo today decated to two very special people to me they are going to shit there pants becaus eone of the friends didnt think I was serious when I said I would do it... tha twas like 4 years ago...
first thing I ahve to get is walki talkis lol "wink"
anyways I am off to bed...maybe tomarrow wont be so bad? HA yeah right tomarow I go and make sure they got my meds.......
night all |
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| woohooo! |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|01:06 pm] |
I just got a whole shit load of OLD ass dunguns n dragons shit like the first monter manual and others to go along wiht it I am tooo excited granted I cant stand the whole dunguns n dragons gaming systom but if your a gamer you will understand my excitement,,,,,,
everything seems to be coming together in our move but its still stressfulll and hard to deal with....doug is all flakin in his head and so am I so were both confused most of the time lol and trying desperately to figure out what needs to go and what needs to stay, its hard to get rid of some things but there just shit weve collected over the past 2 years...shit that needs to come WILL come even if needed to be shipped...anyways.....were almost home!!!! |
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| my dumb head |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|11:19 am] |
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anyone experiance migrains? I swear I have had one long ass migrain its lasted about a week and a half it went into full blown yesterday and today I wake up and can tell its still lingering and could come bakc full blown its to hard to take care of everything with a migraine.....and people who dont get them cant understand them and I swear they think your faking them!! the stress of moving is getting to me I think... |
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| wellllllllllllllllll |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|11:10 am] |
trying to get everything together for the move...specially trying to take Paul(my cat) with us....trying to get my meds handled and trying toopen an account but the nearest washington mutual is a LONG WAYS AWAY! soooo I am trying to make sure I get a damn bank account before I leave so that my ssi checks go to the right place.... I think I am going ot have to ask frank and dianna to use there mailing address so I cna make sure i get my checks so i can make sure rent is paid at the first....you know the dumb ass gov.....they are bound to fuck this up....so today I am going to go get my money order for my new aprtment!!!! WOOHOOO!!! so my new home is covered just have to make sure it stays that way.....trying to get a couple bigggggggggg boxes to take all our shit with us.......trying to figure out what to leave behind...its going to suck to leave all our tattooo equipment behind like the stinless steal table top but with all the cool thrift stores in wa i am sure we will be set up in no time....just found out from doug that we have to rebuy all new color to go into a shop wich sucks thast another 300$ before he can even start working......so when we get there I am not sure where he can go work untill we get established.....fuck might as well work out of the house I already have clients to pay for the new set of colors......anyways....wish us luck today is payday and the start of the move...just think.....only a week or two before were home!!! i know i am bound to forget something...lets just hope all flys right I am nervous not about the move but about next month..if they fuck up my checks then rent will be late and htats never a good thing right when you move into a place.
god I need out of this place.....only problem with taking the bus is I wont be able to take a shit on the border of texas :( |
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| pics of the munchkin |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|12:16 pm] |
here are a few new pics updated so anyone if there interested can see the growth of our little vikking
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| OMG |
[Aug. 18th, 2005|10:51 pm] |
WERE GOIN GHOME!!!!! doug left today...wich is SOOOOOO hard cuz I never wanted him out of my sight again but hes off to florida for 4 weeks and when he gets home I am going to try to have had everything shiped up morth or at least ready to go asap so we can just hop on a bus or our car and GO HOME!!!! thanks to archmage Ithink and PREY that we get into this apartment we both have such horrible credit...and my ex screwed up my rental history by ditching the place anyways it seems that so far these people like us and with two southern men with the gift of gab it looks like we will get in THANK YOU BRO!!! we love you and I will have the walkie talkies ready. :D
on that note....it goes to show how much we love eachother....we spent the last 24 hours in eachothers arms sharing laughs and good songs and tears....4 weeks may not seem so long for most. but for us its terrible with him being gone for 8 months....
were comming home guys. |
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| sometimes I forget |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|09:43 pm] |
as a couple well as far as me and mine go... we spend alot of time argueing......sitting around doing our own things....cooking...cleaning....taking care of the little one.
sometimes I forget how special my old man really is... he is talented and remarkable. he will never know how much I admire him. I am so proud of how far he has come. he doesnt even know of his own eveloution. he has grown as an artist far beond what he thought he was. and will still grow. I dont say this because I love him I say this because its true.. I can see him thriving in thhis buisness.. and becoming a SOMEBODY (another booth or another atchison) actually something even better...when I watch him work he makes it an art and not a job most tattoo artists just work and get out as many as they can to make money....dravengodvamp likes to take his time and make a masterpeice. When I watch him look at his little one I love to watch his face...the only one a father could have. he loves his kid with all his heart and they are deffinently two peas in a pod.
As far as me and him... I couldnt ask for a better man to spend the rest of my life with. I look farward to many days and nights with someone who pisses me off to no end...someone who smells funny on occasion...someone who has this constant need to pick at things (weird picking people) someone who is one of the best humans I know. sometimes I wish I could be more like him. but if I were then what would he ever learn from me. thats why we are made for eachother......we compliment one and other and we teach eachother totall oposits of the world. he is my yin to my yang.....and I love him.
I am longing for the day that we get to represent our love in front of everyone we love. To me he is already my soul mate and life long partner. but I want to show this to the world. in our own morbid lovly way.
I just wish he could learn to just go with the flow of things....we will makeit home soon and we will do it right things will fall into place because it was ment to be. he forgets that he isnt the onlyone who is going to contribute toour move...he forgets who stands by his side. and forgets that he is never alone. ALL burdons rest on BOTH of our shoulders....when he worries I do..when I worrie he does...we are one......(no borg comments please lol )
so baby if you read this. dont forget that I never take you forgranted. without you I am nothing. and I couldnt survive without you |
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| condemded |
[Aug. 12th, 2005|02:54 pm] |
man not having the best of weeks.....we got a new dog turns out it had ringworm... so I guess you cna imagine where this is going... well so far only me and doug are infected wich is good so I try to limit my touching of the baby wich is EXTREAMLY difficult. well I cna handle a few splotches here and there and I can live with the whole nasty contagious thing hell it menas people arnt popping in and out of my house anymore its been great...almost erie. but there is one tihng that REALLY BLOWS. I am not sure but I think it spread to one of my larger newer tattoos I am not a doc and I dont have a doc so I will never know but my tattoo should have been healed by now and it feels like I have a big gigantic itching mass on my upper arm.... does anyone know if it is possible for ringworm to spread to a fairly new tattoo and infect it? doug thinks he scared me but I dont think he did at all I think I have this nasty fungus growing on most of my upper arm. anyone have any sugustions on how I can treat this witout going to the hospitol.
I am not having a very good time lately with skin.. first cellulitious now ringworm. now I am deffinatly whitetrash. and all I wanted to do was get my damn sleave done before I headed back to WA .... doesnt look like thats going ot happen any time soon. oh well fuck it. |
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| fuck this |
[Aug. 10th, 2005|12:16 pm] |
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ok I give up I am never alowed to have a nice warm body sleep next to me it seems doug and all my ex's have the same thing in common noone ever wants to go to bed with me so I guess sex at night is out the window and waking up all warm and snuggly is out the window and everything nice about living with someone is out the window hell I dont even see him cuz he sleeps all fucking day so I supose it must be me I mus tbe unbarable to live with because before doug said it was only cuz of how I was when i was pregnant well I guess that was a lie. so because he wants to party all night and never come to bed and sleep all day that leaves me with the baby but I guess that is my job the permanant babysitter. what a great life so I had a baby so doug could keep a permanant babysitter around. guess thats all I am good for. guess its better then being alone and on the street |
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purpleflake's journal
